So I've been separated for about 5 years. My husband left when our second child was 2 weeks old. He left state with another girl and we have yet to get a divorce.... word is he has a lawyer though and he's gonna go ahead and get the divorce.... im so relieved (if it actually happens... see... he lies to me A LOT) But if we get a divorce.. that means I am free to get married again. And i am not sure if i want to. Its all scary to me.
I always promised my kids that they wouldn't come from a broken home and because of their dad I had to break that promise.
I spent years brokenhearted over this man.. and if I knew he really had changed then i would have given him another shot. But he still lies to me. He doesn't even want me.. He doesn't know how to be alone and he thought when everything went wrong that I would be here with open arms. I have never had my heart broken as bad as this man did.
But I cant just forget he exists because I have two beautiful children by him who I wouldn't give back for the world.
Fred and I went through hell and back... and in the end.. besides the kids... was it worth it? Was it worth the heart ache? Of course it wasn't!!
But I forgive this man. I hope the best for him. I'm just glad that I am aloud to be my own person again, and that the man I am with lets me be that woman that I want to be. No matter how bad things get he never leaves. He has my back. He is by my side and always will be. That's a lot more than i can say for some people.
I want to find happiness. I really do. I'm having trouble right now but time heals everything right? The hardest thing I think is believing in the vows again. I would have stuck anything out...because of those vows. If vows can be broken that easy by someone who says they love you... the father of your children... someone who was your world.... then who's to say that the vows really are nothing but some spoken words... Just like promises... because we all know they were made to be broken.
When he left I started doing any drug I could find. I was so depressed. I had a newborn here and a five year old to take care on my own. But you know what.. it is what it is. I can't blame anyone but myself for my actions. But since then I have been ten times more depressed.
What do you do when you don't know what to do?
When the friends are scarce
When people seem to give up on you
What do you do?
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